too bad you live with your parents still
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
