You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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