someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She's the barista slut.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
