I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
