the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
