they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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