We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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