his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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