Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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