The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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