just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
3 2 1 whiskey
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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