I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
