I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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