we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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