It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
