then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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