Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
