I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
