I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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