I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
