I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The Olympian is in my bed
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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