It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
