Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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