The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
