No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
