just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
