No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
now i know why i became what i already was.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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