Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
His nipple licking is glorious
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