All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
