I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
