I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
