i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
