We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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