i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
