She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
