i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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