Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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