This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
why is half of my head shaved?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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