My sheets look like a crime scene.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
