That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
