You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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