I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
