you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
