I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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