I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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