I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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