I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
