based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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