Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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