dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
