I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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