I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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