If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
